Clouds, Daisies, and Me

What the...

2008-09-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've started school again and all is well. There's nothing too crazy in this world, but I'm a fortunate one. I don't get into drama or fights because I've got better things to do. Have you noticed the increase in children lately? There seems to be so many more people in the world, and it makes me feel a little less important. Ahhh, who cares? I'll make a place in this world with my own two hands (and the imprints of my feet will shatter the hopelessness of the world)!

Before I can do all that, I should find some more courage to speak up. ^_^;;

Cinderella... is not her name or mine

2008-09-13T15:58:00.000-07:00

A year or two ago, I used to refer to myself as Cinderella. Back then, it was a way to explain things that I'd rather not say with my own name. As I think of it more and more, I think that (in my subconscious) it was the perfect name for me. Cinderella and I share a lot of characteristics, even if our lifestyles differ entirely. I don't have an evil stepmother (or a stepmother, in general), there aren't any mean sisters, and I definately didn't have the urge to speak to mice. However, she and I were both wishing for something we couldn't have. We wanted freedom. We wanted a way out of the place that we called home because it was suffocating. And when I was allowed the chance, I didn't want to go because I didn't want to look like myself. I wanted to be pretty, beautiful... AMAZING. I couldn't let people see the me that cries by myself at night for living. I didn't want people to know that I was a weak girl that couldn't stand up for herself. I wanted my own fairy godmother so I wouldn't be rejected. Who wanted a girl who was ugly? Who wanted a girl who was weak and shy? Who wanted a girl who... well, didn't seem like a girl? Yes, that was what I thought back then. I wanted to be thinner, cuter, and a girl in EVERYONE'S eyes. But, I had a problem. Anorexia was out of the question because I really like eating, and throwing up food just sounded wasteful. How does one become cuter, anyway? Isn't that in the view of the public? And, no one really ever said that I wasn't a girl. So, how did I overcome this? Well, I kinda just got sick of it. That's the easiest way to say it. Instead of worrying about how I looked, I returned to worrying about how I was going to get an A in all of my classes (not that my grades went down or anything). By returning to what I did BEST I managed to not think about what was wrong with me. Now, ignoring the skeleton in your closet doesn't make it go away. I think I began to improve after I cut my hair. The stylist gave me this super cute look that when I looked at myself, I thought... "I'm... cute." It was almost as if my fairy godmother came to prove to me that I, too, could be cute. Still, I had my doubts. But, lo and behold, the next day, people said the same thing. It wasn't that people said I wasn't cute before, but... it was the kind of cute that I wanted. It wasn't the 'AWW!! Look at my little sister, she's so adorable!' kind of cute. It was the 'Hey, look at that girl' kind of cute. I felt like Cinderlla at the ball.

Of course, that was wayyyy back in the day and I soon returned to my nerdy status until high school, where I am today. My heart is a lot stronger than it used to be. Now, you're probably thinking, "What about the Prince, the glass slipper, aren't you going to run away from someone?" Yeah, I'm leaving out a few parts. One of them being the PRINCE but he named himself that. I didn't label him as that. I swear to you, I didn't. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, that ever since I became cute for one day, I began to realize that people won't believe that they are something unless someone else tells them first. They won't believe unless you assure them. Now, I'm sure there are P L E N T Y of people out there who can just tell themselves they are beautiful and just leave it at that. And, to you people, I APPLAUDE YOU BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE AMAZING!! But, for people like me, who need to be told what they are before they see it for themselves (even if it is right in front of them), it can be hard to live life. Sometimes, something you want is so close that you just don't notice it. If you've found your own INNER BEAUTY point out someone else's. Even if it's a little, "I like your hair," or a loving, "You're always so cute!", I think you'd be amazed at what changes on the inside.

I've got a few demons to fight still, but I no longer call myself by Cinderella. Cinderella is like... a distant memory. It was a memory that made me stronger.

I want to go back...

2008-09-07T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm really missing my time back in Japan. It was so much fun, but we're going this summer. I'm going with a bunch of friends... if my mom will let me, of course. I miss eating takoyaki. Kim translated that into "octopus balls" which isn't ENTIRELY true, but I love the chewy octopus inside. It's soooo good. X3

I also have a weakness for tamago sushi. It's so cute and yummy. I like writing my name as さみ rather than サミ. I guess it matters in case I confuse people, but I really like it written in hirigana because it's so cute!

...yes, I have a weakness for cute things.

Another Day

2008-09-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

Hmm, I'm a little upset still from yesterday. I will try to live like it is a new day though.

If I'm wrong and someone won't tell me why I'm wrong, how am I supposed to be a better person. It's not even obvious how I'm wrong. I don't understand at all. I'm so angry at him for blaming me for something I don't even know of! I swear, if it's something stupid, I will end up hating him. I'm very tired of being the bad guy.

I guess it's personal...

2008-09-05T16:27:00.000-07:00

I've decided that I wanted to start a blog! I want to share my emotions and my thoughts, so maybe I can learn more! I would really love to be someone who can share all of their emotions and look back with a smile!

This blog is named Clouds, Daisies, and Me. I really like clouds. They're so cute and innocent, but when you make them angry, watch out. Daisies are also a sign of innocence, but they're my favorite flower because they're just so... simple. I put the 'Me' in there because... well, the blog is about me. (Does... that make me a bad person?)

I hope to enjoy this blog and many of the things that can come from it!